Robbing the Cradle

Lately I haven't updated this blog with events going on in my life. Quite frankly, my life hasn't been very exciting these past few months. No immediate travel plans, just work and thesis composition consume a majority of my daily life. There is one thing that is somewhat new. I don't know what it is but the past two boys I've been on dates with (note, these are not really "relationships" as we never even progressed to that level) have been younger than me. The first was nineteen going on twenty, but we agreed to stop seeing each other since he had finals to study for and I was quite busy with my work and writing. It was very natural, the way that ended since there was really nothing to end at all.

Then there is Dave... The story of how I ended up on a date with him is a little strange, perhaps. I was invited to a poker night this past Saturday, which I decided to attend despite my absolute incompetence at card games. Not surprisingly, I lost rather quickly and headed off to another group of people playing board games. Board games, especially puzzles, I’m much better at, and this German block game was something I could deal much better with than poker, which is all about lying, reading people, and chance… things with which I lack expertise. In the end, I was able to face off with one other person, the boy named Dave. He then suggested that we play for something, since, after all, this is the “final” game. I personally couldn’t think of anything to play for except perhaps a few pounds, but then he said, “If I win this game, we have to watch a movie together.” I’m pretty dense, but perhaps not that dense since I kind of took understood it as his way of asking me on a date. Rather bold, I thought but I couldn’t think of anything to ask in return should I win. In the end, my conditions were that we don’t watch a movie together should I win since I knew he was the younger brother of a friend.

Whether unfortunately or fortunately, I lost… by one point, which meant I had to watch a movie with him. Turns out, he’s not so incredibly immature for his age and he picked a really interesting documentary series by BBC titled “Planet Earth” and we watched a couple episodes of “Life” together (Hunter and Hunted and Fish). I really enjoyed the movies and surprisingly, his company since he is probably the funniest boy with whom I’ve ever been on a date. Then comes the catch, he’s eighteen and he’s in the American equivalent of high school! I definitely feel a little awkward knowing that and he knows that I’m twenty-three and that I’m a graduate student in hopes of obtaining a PhD. He will turn nineteen this year, but nine days AFTER my little sister… which makes him younger than my little sister! I really don’t know how to feel about this. How would I feel if my sister told me that she is dating someone older than me? I doubt that I would be OK with it. His older brother is OK with this though, which makes the situation even more awkward for me. In any case, we have another date this weekend, so I suppose I’ll figure out where this is going after date two. Honest opinions, am I robbing the cradle? 

Today's Random Picture: 

Checkpoint Past the Halfway Marker

For some reason, I got all reminiscent and decided to write in my journal and read some old entries before heading off to Liechtenstein. As each year goes by, ever since my childhood, I've made a handful of "New Years Resolutions" that I almost never end up fulfilling. I actually did follow through with one resolution I made, which was in 2009 (obtain level C2 in French). Now it's already the end of June and I took a look back at my journal entry of January 1, 2010. For the new year, my resolutions were as follows: 

1. Finish more things on my list
2. Do more good deeds
3. Become fluent in German (B2, preferably C1)
4. Spend more time with family
5. Spend more time with friends
6. Read more books
7. Enjoy life more
8. Get in better shape to do 99 push-ups in a row
9. Make a new stranger smile every day

How am I progressing so far? Pretty pathetically, I think. I could do better, for sure. I finished a lackluster 6 new things on my list of things to do before I die in the last 6 months and only visited 4 (but that is soon to change) new countries. I don't think I did many good deeds this year... I worked, I studied, I learned languages... I really did not have much free time. The only charitable, selfless acts I've done was giving food to people who had signs that read "J'ai faim" on the streets. Becoming fluent in German... well, I'll know when I take an exam in December, I suppose. Spending time with family and friends? I tried calling more often and I will go home in August and I'll make sure to spend a lot of time with them! I did read more this year, though, though pretty insignificant in terms of number (only around 23 books so far). Have I enjoyed life more than I did last year? Hm... hard to say since the year is not yet over, but I do love life... la vita è bella!!! The push-ups are coming along, but I can't seem to break 51... and I have been very successful with #9. We'll see if I manage to fulfill any of the above resolutions by December 31, 2010. 

Sorry this is such a nonsense entry, I just wanted to post an update before leaving. I'll make sure to eat Swiss cheese while hitchhiking through Switzerland this time!!!

Today's Random Picture:

Revering Mother

Someone sent me this e-mail, relevant to Mother's Day, I suppose. 

When you were 8 years old, your mom handed you an ice cream. You thanked her by yelling at her and telling her its the wrong kind.
When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons. You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old she drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.
When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming. You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.
When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not writing a single letter.
When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16, she taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17, she was expecting an important call. You thanked her by being on the phone all night.
When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.
When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked her by saying good-bye
outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.
When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply she loved you. You thanked her by
moving halfway across the country.
When you were 50, she fell and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.
And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.
If you love your MOM, repost this bulletin saying "i cried" if you don't... then u obviously don't care if your mom dies or you don't care if she is already dead...
 

I cried. Unfortunately, I can't say that much of the above things applied to me. My mother rarely bought me ice cream since she thought it was bad for my teeth so when she did, I was happy with whatever flavor she gave me. I actually thank her for that since it probably helped me grow into a more healthy lifestyle... though I do indulge in sweets from time to time. 

When I was 5, I started piano lessons and I did actually practice quite often since I wanted to become a pianist after about 10 years (when I was 15-17 years old I wanted to be a pianist/artist). 

When I was 8, I usually got a ride with my friends' parents, walked, or took a bus/public transportation to go to soccer/track & field/etc. practice or games and I thank my mother for teaching me to be independent at such an early age. My mother never took my to the movies, but in a way, she preserved my innocence and naïveté until I left the house.

When I was 12, after outgrowing cartoons, my mother didn't approve of many shows, so I simply stopped watching TV. TV is pretty useless anyway, except for comedies, so I'm glad she didn't let my mind melt with stupid soap operas and dramas. My mother usually cut my hair for me and once I was older, I learned how to cut my own hair, so that was nice. I've never been to a hair salon and I think it's good that I can cut my own hair without wasting money on overpriced haircuts. 

When I was 13, she paid for summer camp... and I do admit, rather guiltily, that I never sent her a single letter during the entire month. 

When I was 14, I started locking my room since I sometimes felt smothered by my mother. Perhaps my relationship with her could be better had I tried to talk to her while my personality and goals were evolving in a direction opposite hers?  

When I was 16, she taught me how to drive her car... and I do admit, I did take it every chance I could.

When I was 17, I was already out of the house and moved 1609km away from my mother. I moved out of my mother's house when I was 16, since I wanted to pursue my career in the arts. My mother taught me an invaluable lesson early on in life: Never depend on anyone else except for yourself. 

When I was 18, I dropped my courses and backpacked alone in Europe. I asked my mother's permission and she, surprisingly, approved (she did change her mind once I was already in Paris), but nonetheless, she approved! This trip opened my eyes and life in ways unimagined so I owe my mother a big "thank you" for allowing me to go (though I'd probably have gone without my mother's blessing, her initial approval meant I could go without feeling constantly guilty about going without her permission). 

When I was 19, I picked up where I left off at the university, 1609km away from home... I do feel bad that while I was studying, I almost never called my mother... I think I called her maybe once every month or every two months... 

I called my mother today. We had a 3-hour conversation about life, love, and everything in between. I feel guilty in some ways. My mother actually really wants me to get married and give her at least one grandchild. "I won't be around forever, Kerstin. I want to know there will be someone who loves you after I die and I want to meet that someone before I die. That will make me happy." I tried explaining to her my thoughts on love, on marriage, on children... I have friends and my siblings to love me after she dies, why would I need a husband? At that, she just nervously laughed and said she hoped I would change my mind in the future... in the near future. She wants me to be married before I'm 30, but that's SO UNFAIR! My mother got married after she was 30! Double standards, much? 

Sorry, mother, if you ever read my blog (which I doubt you ever will)... but I'm really sorry. While I can make some sacrifices, I can't do something I don't believe in. Marriage, to me, is an outdated institution no longer relevant to modern society. Children are a burden on Mother Earth and I refuse to procreate and fill the already overpopulated earth with yet another parasitic being using energy and releasing carbon into the world. While you may think I'll change my mind in the future, I highly doubt it. My decision about marriage and children was made when I was 12. I'm 22 now... it's been 10 years and my feelings about these subjects have only become more concrete and embedded in stone over the years. The older I get, the more sure I am that I will never wed and have children. I love the way I live now, doing whatever I want, being able to pick up a bag and leaving when I want, without something weighing me down and chaining me to one place. I value freedom more than a partnership and procreation and this preference will not change. 

Still, I hope my mother will understand, that no matter how much our views on life, on love, and on any other subject differ, I still love her. It really breaks my heart that she may never see grandchildren before she dies and it makes me sad that she can't comprehend the fact that I'm happy with the way things are now... that money doesn't make me happy and no man will make me happy. I want her to know that for me, my personal happiness depends not on others, but on myself and on my state of mind. I love my mother still, and without her, I would never be the me I am today. Even the points we disagree on, perhaps, are due to the fact that my spiteful nature made me evolve in an opposite direction. We agree on very few, if any subjects... but we still love each other, in our own, peculiar, special ways.

Today's Random Picture: 

Never Settle

Life is essentially a constant search for happiness. My personal meaning of life is to learn as much as I can, be as happy as I can, and try my best to help as many other people to be as happy as they can. What makes each person happy is different, of course. Perhaps a secure and quiet life in the suburbs, a steady job and income, a nice house and car, a white picket fence with 2.05 kids - the average American family - may make some people happy. Maybe that was their dream and they've achieved all they wanted to achieve in life? I personally can't understand how this can be a dream since we have such a short time to live, but if that is how they find their personal happiness, I have absolutely nothing against them. The people I do critique are those who are too lazy or too scared to take a chance in life, those people who settle for a life they don't sincerely wish for, such people in my eyes will always be poltroons.

Shockingly, my backup plans in life seem to make me reflect on my personal life goals. As of now, my future is completely uncertain. Someone mentioned that I have my entire life planned out: my list of things to do before I die, what my "retirement" plans are should I live to be too old to travel, and that really made me think. While it is true that I have a sketch of my future, or at least, what I want my future to look like, the sketch is all in pencil. Years pass and my life portrait becomes more and more complete. Perhaps most of the background is already painted and finished. Details and other finer points are unfinished and not even dreamed of yet, but I merely have guidelines, not specific, mature goals. Becoming a travel writer is my dream job, but working solely as a travel writer is actually a difficult dream to attain since the way I travel is appreciated by few, if any, publishing companies. No one wants to endorse hitchhiking, sleeping outside, or accepting housing from strangers you meet along the way. Most prefer hotel or youth hostel reviews, perhaps reviews of restaurants, cruise vacation reviews, and other such boring modes of travel I deem should be reserved for the elderly. What I want to write about are alternative, unconventional ways of traveling, in addition to the sites and attractions, in addition to the history of the country, city, language, culture, the people... How I plan about achieving my dream is still in progress. 

Then I realized, my rather, very recent "backup" plan I've been toying with was becoming a professor. This would provide some basic income in addition to spare time during breaks, allowing for me to travel. Yet, I wonder, is this a reactionary development of cowardly adulthood? Intellectual stimulation is something I really enjoy, I admit it, I enjoy learning. I'm very passionate about what I want to study and should I go on to complete a PhD, I already know what I want to research. Though I enjoy it, becoming a professor would be "settling" and I refuse to settle. There's an anonymous quote that goes, "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." If I were to become a professor, would I really be living each of my days teaching as if it were my last? Probably not. 

To be good at something, I realize you really have to love it passionately. In high school, I loved my history classes, despite going through my surgeon phase, which led me to take many science and anatomy classes. It made me realize I couldn't be a surgeon when I didn't feel any passion for most sciences. How could I force myself to study subjects I didn't like through 4 years of university then again through 4 years of medical school? Would I be happy? I gave up that dream, luckily, by the end of high school. I'd moved onto another phase by then; my "artsy" phase. Bohemian lifestyles were romantic and attractive to me so I concluded I would become an artist/pianist, even if it meant I would be starving and poor for most of my life. Then I realized while I really enjoyed piano and painting/drawing/sculpting, etc., I would never be good enough to make such things my profession. Moreover, while I "loved" doing what I did, I was never exactly "passionate" about it and never felt that feeling of inner satisfaction with anything I finished painting/drawing/sculpting or after piano recitals. At university, I finally found my passions: traveling and foreign languages. Problem is, how to combine these two passions into a job I will love? Travel writing is a dream job, but that's not necessarily the only job that I could love. 

As long as I find any job that allows me to travel, learn and use languages, and perhaps in the process, help others, that would be a job I'd love. I do feel lucky to have found my passions in life so early on and realized the importance of following your dreams. Despite how cliché it sounds, it's true: you have to follow your dreams. Don't listen to what "logic" says, listen carefully to your innermost desires. Find your life passion or passions and do something you feel such a passion for. An average human spends about 1/3 of his or her life working, 1/3 of his or her life sleeping, and 1/3 of his or her life doing something else. Why not make sure that the 2/3 of your conscious life is spent doing something you love? I believe I will only live once. This is my one and only chance at living and I think it would be foolish to be anything but happy during the 2/3 of my life I'm awake. If you love what you do, you'll excel at what you do. I refuse to settle for less and I advise everyone who is reading this to do the same. Never settle for less. Never settle for something you're not 100% happy and satisfied with. If you haven't found your passions yet, keep looking until you've found it. When you do find it, you will know. The realization will be so profound that you can't miss it.

Generally, I'm a happy person because I count all of my blessings. I'm happy to have found my passions early on when there are some people who spend their entire lives looking and dying before finding theirs. I'm happy because I realized that we are all dying early on in life. You, dear reader, will die soon. I will die soon. We are all on the same boat headed towards the sea of death. We are all fellow passengers. What will we do during this journey? Thinking about the inevitable fact of death will help you make the choices in life because when you think of the possibility of dying tomorrow, everything else will seem like frivolities. Your fears of failure, your fears of embarrassment, any great expectations that others have for you, your fears of what others will think or critique about your actions, they're all useless when you know that you might die tonight. Live life as if you were dying, because you really are. Only then will you realize what the most important things in your life are. There's really no need to fear life or death or failure since, in this universe, in this world of many galaxies and solar systems, you are a pretty insignificant life. Your mistakes or embarrassments will go unnoticed by most and so you have this one chance at life - this blip in time in all space and time continuum before and after your conscious existence - to do what you want to do, to try to make a difference by making others happy, and to make yourself happy.

Today's Random Picture:

Jumping to Conclusions

Unlike my brother and sister who have, I suppose, all the "good Swedish genes", I got, according my mother, all the "bad Mongol" genes. I never really questioned her why she always says I got all the bad Mongol genes, but I just assumed it's because (based on the very old black-and-white pictures I've seen of my Mongolian grandmother taken in the early 1940s) I look more like her than anyone else in the family. I definitely don't look like my mom (she's a stereotypical blond-haired, blue-eyed Swede) and I don't really look like my dad either. But from her pictures, my Mongolian grandmother is the closest familial resemblance I can find. So, I look the most Asian out of the three children. No one ever thinks my brother or sister are half Asian. Once when my brother shaved his head in the summer, skinheads started talking to him because they thought he was one of them. Then he told them his father was Asian! What a surprise that must have been.

I, on the other hand, can be virtually anything except "white". Depending on the situation, how tan I am, the person who's guessing, what my hair is like, people have guessed that I was anything from Mexican to Japanese to Native American to everything in between. Recently, I've been attempting to get tanner since my sister commented on a recent photo that my arm was so white that it looked like a "friggin' baby ghost's arm", I concluded she was right and bought some self-tanning cream. A few days ago, when it was 82F (27C) here and sunny, I rode my bike to Germany to tan by the river. So now, I have some good, healthier color on me, but not enough that people will guess I'm Mexican =). 

On the tram today, someone randomly started talking to me while I was getting out my language flashcards. I politely entertained the conversation then she asked the question I've been asked so many times before in my life that it's really getting old, even in French. "Where are you from?" Now, it's very easy to answer this question since I don't live in the U.S. So I said the U.S. She didn't seem satisfied with my answer. She asked if I was from Alaska (probably implying the questions whether I was an Inuit or not). I said no and to answer the question she really should have asked/wanted to know (my ethnic background), I told her. Then she asked if I spoke Chinese. WTF?! How the hell do you get a question like that from Korean, Mongolian, and Swedish? Then she asked what the difference was between Korean, Mongolian, and Chinese. Apparently to her, anyone who has Asian roots is just Chinese. Uh... wow. That's the equivalent of saying anyone who is European is just German. Just because a = b and b = c does not mean c = a. After I said that I think she understood, since Alsatians, despite speaking a dialect which is basically a German dialect, consider themselves to be very different from Germany and Germans. 

I really don't like it when people jump to conclusions like that. If you're curious about my ethnic background, just ask! And if you're really uninformed about the differences between different countries and languages, read a book and learn a foreign language!

I told this story to my sister while talking to her today and she sent me this:

Today's Random Conversation:

Xenomania on Hold

After much deliberation and lost sleep over my most recent dilemma, I've finally made a decision about whether I'll travel the world or stay put and learn languages (and in turn, finish my studies). As the title of the entry suggests, I'm going to restrain my xenomania for the time being since my love of languages is greater than my love of traveling. I realized this as I thought about when and how these passions developed. 

My love of languages goes deeper into my past than my love of traveling does. In a way, my interest in foreign languages inspired me or led me to discover the world, develop a sincere and profound interest in other countries, and created my second passion for traveling. It was a tough choice to make since a significant part of me (like 49.99999%) is deeply hurt by my decision and still wants to defenestrate everything (figuratively) and travel the world. Still, the very slight majority wins since this isn't something I can split very evenly. After all, it's sort of a winner-take-all situation. I can't hitchhike around the world for a few years AND finish my studies at the same time. That would be impossible. 

What I do know is that at every opportunity I WILL travel in attempt to satisfy my other half. Every winter, spring, and summer break accorded to me during my studies, I will try to travel as much as I can. Summer break tends to be longer, so I suppose if I get enough scholarships or I work as a teaching assistant, I'll be able to have enough money for plane tickets to "far away lands". A bittersweet decision... I can't say I'm completely happy, but I'm happy as I can be, given the circumstances. 

Today's Random Cartoon:

Traveling versus Languages

I always say that I have two passions in life: foreign languages and traveling. Never before have I had to choose between the two... never before until now. One thing I do know for sure right now is that I'm not going to stay in France. After that, my life is a complete blur. So far, I've decided that I won't go to South Africa for my mom's sake. She would worry herself sick and my mother is not getting any younger and I think I'll do my best not to make her worry any more than she already does from now on. Lately, I've been feeling really guilty about making my mother worry. Despite our stark differences, polar opposite priorities, and frequent disputes over the phone, my mother is still my mother and for that reason I love her. That leaves the schools in the UK and the U.S. to choose between.

This, however, is not the only problem now. Recently, I've come to realize that my two life passions are violently clashing with each other. With the money I've saved up, instead of studying, what I really want to do is travel the world until I run out of money. Considering the way I travel (hitchhiking, sleeping outside in tents, train stations, airports, on floors/sofas/futons of random people's houses), this could be anywhere from 1 to 3 years that I'd be traveling around the world. Up to present, I've been to 40 countries, which leaves me 79 countries to visit. If I do end up traveling around the world for 1 - 3 years, I think I'll make great progress to complete my goal of visiting at least 119 countries to visit before I die.

One problem: my other life passion would be stabbed nearly to death if I follow through with my plan to travel the world. All those hours devoted to learning languages will have been in vain since even after just one year of no exposure, I know my German, Russian, and Italian would suffer tremendously. My Korean and Swedish, I realize, will probably stay the same - absolutely no progress made but not terrible damage done, since, after all, those are languages I had exposure to before I was 10 years old. French and Spanish I'm not terribly worried about, since they're at a level advanced enough that even after a year of going without daily review, they won't become dramatically worse. Not only that, but there are many more countries in the world (where visas are not required) where French or Spanish are official languages or where these languages are spoken.

Language-learning is like romantic relationships, at least for me. First you hear a language and you like the way it sounds. You flirt with the language, perhaps you engage in a short-lived fling with the language (as was the case with Swahili, Slovak, Serbian/Croatian, and Japanese). Then if, after the initial flirtation, you realize you not only have an interest, but a love for the language, you really devote yourself to the language. Essentially, you get "married" to the language and you devote some time to this relationship every day and you never stop learning a language until the day you die (just like how in marriage ceremonies they say, "until death do us part"). In this case, I am in a polygamous relationship with multiple languages - I am married to my many languages and they are the sole reason, the sole factor holding me back from throwing everything else aside and fulfilling my desire to discover the world. Thus the dilemma. Which is stronger? My love for foreign languages or my love for traveling? Should damage my marriage to my languages by traveling the world only to attempt to heal the damage done after my foray around the globe? Or should I stay in my language-marriages like a devoted wife should?

Today's Random Picture:

Xenophile

Not having talked to my sister for a while, I decided to give her a call. Somewhere during the conversation, she accused me of being a xenophile. My response to this accusation? Partially guilty as charged. Whereas the terms "xenophobe" or "xenophobia" are common (someone who is afraid of foreigners and fears/hates everything foreign) I guess the opposite terms "xenophile" or "xenophilia" applies to me, I love foreigners and everything foreign. Still, that's not to say I particularly dislike Americans, my country, or things that are familiar to me. Most of my friends are Americans! And I most certainly can't hate my own family!

At the same time, my sister noted, I do have partial preferences for foreigners/foreign things over domestic fares. Most people I've found the most interesting (including guys I've dated in the past) were foreign. American guys just don't interest me. Sure, some of them are nice, but do they have a sexy foreign accent? Do they speak another language? Definitely no for the first and usually no for the second question... and usually if they do speak a foreign language, it's almost always with a horrible American accent. It's not just color-preferences either, I've dated guys of all colors. And I did date an American guy who was half-Japanese and half-White... that was one extremely boring date, actually. So, in the dating scene, yes, I'd opt for a foreign boyfriend over an American boyfriend. If there were two identical twins separated at birth and one was raised in the States and the other in Ireland, for instance, of course I'd rather date the Irishman! And that's not only because I want to kiss an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day (which is tomorrow, for those of you unfamiliar with this holiday).

Aesthetically, I've have more visual sensory overload in foreign cities than in domestic ones. The novelty of a foreign city is what I find irresistibly intriguing. What I don't know makes me want to know, to discover, and to learn and this kind of this rarely, if ever, happens when I'm in my "home" country. That isn't to say I don't get bored easily. For instance, a year here in Strasbourg is quite enough, thank you very much. I don't think I could live another year in this city without becoming incredibly bored. I'd rather live in New York City than in Strasbourg since there's just overall less things to do here and despite everyone speaking French, my life in the City is more interesting than life in Strasbourg. Now, if I were to live in Paris... well, that would be a different story altogether. It would offer a different ambiance, different "culture", different regional specialties and quirks, just as the northwestern French Brittany would offer, or perhaps Lyon or Southern France... each region has its own accents/foods/uniqueness. Arguably, life in California, Hawaii, Alaska, or Texas would be a lot different from the life I'm familiar with growing up on the Eastern seaboard, but somehow, the fact that everyone speaks English just makes it less interesting. Okay, I suppose there are Hawaiian speakers in Hawaii or Spanish speakers in California and Texas, but those languages have less appeal than the soothing sounds of French, so my language and accent preferences do have some weight. 

But is it wrong to appreciate novelty and something different from yourself or what you're familiar with? Shouldn't xenophilia be a natural phenomenon? Aren't other people out there afflicted with this same condition? I refuse to believe that I'm the only one who prefers foreign over domestic in most circumstances. Seriously, it gets old. Vanilla ice cream is great but sometimes you want to try chocolate mocha chip or strawberry mint or banana pecan. It's just like eating out at a restaurant. Wouldn't you get sick or ordering the same old meal every day? Whenever I eat out at a restaurant, I try to eat something that I can't make at home myself and something I haven't tried before. It's the same idea. I'd rather continuously discover new countries than live in one place indefinitely and if this is a flaw, then I embrace my xenophilia with open arms.

Today's Random Quiz:

You Are Dusk

You are a naturally idealistic and creative person. You look forward to nights where everything is possible. You spend most of your energy on play. Work is okay, but the true you emerges after the work day is done. You're an offbeat type that doesn't like rules or schedules. Life's too short to waste at a desk in a cube. Whether you spend your night socializing or working on side projects, you like that your time is yours.

Are You Dusk or Dawn?

Veer Off-Course or Stay the Course

A cousin of mine recently contacted me by e-mail after (I presume) getting this, among other, information from my mother. I rarely ever talk to my cousins since the huge age difference created a generation gap and lack of things to discuss early on. All my cousins are over 30; my youngest first cousin is 32 right now. They grew up in the 1980s while I grew up in the 1990s. While I was entering kindergarten, my cousins were graduating from high school. As I entered freshman year at university, my cousins all had careers of their own, some even got married. Thus, we never talked except on those very rare "family reunions", which are held at sporadic moments and I do admit a little sheepishly, that I have missed a handful of the past few.

Getting back on track, my 35-year-old cousin sent me a link today containing of list of "8 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 22". I'm 22 right now, so I guess its age-applicability inspired him to send me the list? So I thought I'd share the link/list with you:

1. Pick a career you love; you don’t have to give into the pressure to be practical.

2. Pay off your credit card debt and don’t buy so much stuff.

3. Your student loans can be deferred practically indefinitely.

4. It doesn’t cost as much as you’d think to travel.

5. The job you have right now is not that important.

6. You don’t need a safety net.

7. This is the best time in your life to travel carefree.

8. Did you read #7? Go Travel Now!

Based on the article/list, I'm right on track! I don't have any credit card debt, I have no student loans, I've traveled to 39 countries so far, I have "stints" and no real permanent "jobs" right now, I'm living abroad, I'm not afraid of going to a foreign land where I don't know anyone... but the only part where I'm falling short is the first item on the list, picking a career I love. My dream job is to become a travel writer. This seems like an impossibility in terms of career options at the moment. Being an unpaid travel writer in hopes of some magazine/book/publisher reading my posts and deciding to pay me for my articles is not a viable method of feeding myself. I'm not afraid to sleep on the streets and eat very little, but I can't say starving to death on a random street in a foreign land is something I'm "dying" to do. Still, I feel somewhat inspired by the fact that I'm falling short here. Something inside me says that this list is right. Studies can wait until later, right? Maybe I should put my studies on hold for a while and try out my dream career of a travel writer and backpack across the world with little money, eating scraps of food and sleeping at random people's houses along the way. There is a part of me that really wants to do this and maybe it's about time I listen to this voice that's being muffled by my logical side!

This has happened to me before. Before coming to France, this same voice wanted to be heard. Ultimately I had to choose between coming to France for graduate studies, traveling the world with one backpack, or doing a 2-year internship with the UNDP. In the end, I couldn't make the choice myself so I rolled a die, which told me to come to France. I now acknowledge that my last decision, made by rolling a die, was a mistake. The academic program in France isn't what I was looking for and I think I would have been better off traveling or doing an internship. Now, my options are different. I have 3 different countries to choose from in terms of pursuing higher education (UK, S. Africa, and the U.S.) but now, that same part of me, that voice inside that was calling out a year ago, is trying to be heard again. Perhaps I shouldn't make the same mistake of rolling a die to decide and truly weigh out my options and make a decision. It's really about my illogical and logical sides duking it out. Should I veer off-course from normalcy and travel around the world aimlessly until I'm near-death from starvation? Or should I walk the safe and secure path that every normal person would deem as the only viable choice of going to get my degree, perhaps pursue a PhD, then get a job and so on?

Today's Random Quiz:

You Are an Astronaut

You are not normal at all, and you could never do well is a typical office job. You are too brilliant for that! You have a strong sense of adventure. You really want to see the world... especially from space. You don't just dream big - you also do big. You are willing to work hard to get the career of your dreams. You are a very talented and special person. You seem to succeed at every project you undertake.

What Popular Career Are You?

Unusual Beginning

March started off strangely. My Romanian friends and I went to a bar on Sunday night, which led into the first of March after midnight passed us. We weren't drunk since we'd only had one or two drinks, depending on the person and the strength of the drink (I had a Tequila sunrise) but some other people at the bar were clearly intoxicated. As one such drunkard was walking by, he knocked over my coat from the chair and, too drunk to pick it up, just merely apologized. I responded with a "don't worry about it" at which he asked, quite out of the blue, "Do you know Johnny Hallyday?" (This was all in French, by the way). Upon hearing my response, "Yes, he's a singer right?" he sat himself down at our table. 

He was quite clearly, flamboyantly gay. A colorful scarf wrapped around his neck, a stylish, tight-fitting shirt and skinny jeans with polished shoes to top it all off, he sat crossed legged next to me and asked, "Do you know any of his songs? Sing a song!"
Not knowing a single song by Johnny Hallyday, I responded honestly, "Sorry, I don't know any songs by Johnny Hallyday."

"You don't know any songs by Johnny Hallyday?! How can you say you're French when you don't know a single song!" he demanded almost angrily. 

Flattered that he didn't catch my slight accent in French, I responded, "I'm not French, I'm American." 

He insisted, "You must still know one song if you're in France!"

"No, sorry."

At that, he jumped on top of our table, knocking over an empty beer bottle in the process. Throwing the dangling scarf across his shoulder, he quite femininely brushed back his hair, and then proceeded to sing, what I assume to be, a song by Johnny Hallyday song at the top of his lungs. My Romanian friends gave me a look as if I was responsible for this, though Marius seemed to think it was hilarious and even chanted along with him. While attempting to dance on the table, this mysterious, drunk, gay man spilled some beer on us and just would not leave. Way to start out the new month! That is, until his boyfriend came and helped him off the table and they left the bar.

The night was pretty calm after that. We all eventually left the bar to get some sleep before classes would start later that day. I must say, never before have I had a gay man sing and dance to a Johnny Hallyday song on my bar table before. Like they say, there's a first time for everything. Too bad I didn't have my camera with me... from now on, I'll always try to have a camera with me. 

Today's Random Quiz:

You Are the Communicator

You are a collector and facilitator of knowledge. You love storytelling and teaching.   You light up when you're around other people, and you especially light up in front of a crowd. You are a charismatic person who's genuinely a joy to be with. You remind others to have fun. You love life, and you're wake up grateful for every new day. This attitude makes the people around you love life as well.

What's Your Life's Mission?

Vancouver Winter Olmpics 2010

Lately I've been staying up until the wee hours of the morning to watch the Winter Olympics. Since the games this year are in Vancouver and since I'm in France this year, this means a 9-hour time difference so I've been awake until 6a.m. in the morning to watch some matches/performances. Last night, I watched the U.S. vs. Norway (Men) and U.S. vs. Finland (Women) hockey games and it really made me miss playing it... not to mention that 1 player on the men's Olympic team and 5 women from the women's Olympic team are UW-Madison alumni! WOO, Wisconsin represent! Snowboarding was fun to watch as well, but since I had a chance to board a couple weeks ago, I'm not as nostalgic for it. Ice hockey, on the other hand, I haven't played in over 5 years. Too bad the equipment is really expensive and I know of no intramural hockey teams in Strasbourg.

What I will comment on, actually, is figure skating. My mom is a huge fan of figure skating. As a child, I learned how to ice skate when I was 3 and my mom tried to direct me toward figure skating. The ultimate tomboy, even at this early age, preferring toy trains and Lego®s instead of stuffed animals and dolls, I took no interest on my own. Instead, I took up skateboarding a couple years later, to my mother's horror. She then made me quit and forced me into ballet classes, in hopes of them somehow inspiring me to combine ballet and ice skating to become an interest in figure skating. The only thing ballet inspired me to do was to start playing soccer, basketball, and track in order to compensate for the humiliating pink leotard I had to wear for ballet. Still, I woke up from my nap to watch the men's figure skating finals "with my mom" (I was on the phone with her while watching). It's a Winter Olympic tradition that we've developed over the years, almost as a way of compensating for the fact that the only sport I played on ice was ice hockey, I watch figure skating with my mom every 4 years.

I must say, what man decided that jumping up, doing some twirls in the air, then landing on one foot should become a sport? And what man would think that spinning around on ice in a graceful manner was remotely masculine? I'm an equalist in that I believe men and women are equal in every way, but that doesn't mean that I don't have certain standards for masculinity that men should have. For instance, I would never date a male figure skater. They're so thin, flexible... and, I have to say, I think they're all too feminine. Not surprisingly, some figure skaters are flamboyantly homosexual. I thought that the Russian skate, Evgeniy Plushenko, was gay with violinist Edvin Marton. Why? Well, Edvin Marton composes songs specially for Plushenko's skating programs and they're purportedly good friends. I just thought "friends" implied they were boyfriends, but I was wrong. Edvin Marton is dates a girl practically half his age and Plushenko got married (to a woman) last year. Still, when I see images like this:

You can't blame me for thinking he might, you know, "swing the other way" so to speak. I have nothing against gay figure skaters. I'd love to have a gay best friend and my favorite male skater, if I had to choose one, is Johnny Weir, who's pretty obviously gay:

I mean, what "straight" man would pose in high heels like this, right? While I was watching the competition with my mom on the other line, there was one skater from Japan, Nobunari ODA, who, according to the announcer, was a direct descendant of the Japanese daimyo ODA Nobunaga, who is often credited with being one of the major players in the unification of Japan. That made me think what would the famous Japanese warlord think of his descendant being a figure skater, pulling tricks like this:

Ok, ok, I'll stop now. I'm not hating on the male figure skaters, but you have to admit, it's not very masculine. Would YOU date a male figure skating knowing he probably eats less, is thinner, more graceful, and more flexible than you are? Just ask yourself that before hating me. I personally couldn't do it. On the ice, I'm more familiar with ramming other players into the side of the rink, fighting for a small puck, slapping that around on ice having it fly at 71+mph (113+km/h). Besides, I think I'd develop some sort of complex if I were to date a guy thinner than me, but maybe that's just me.

Today's Random Quiz:

You Are a Two Dollar Bill

You are a very quirky character. In fact, you're so weird that you've got some people doubting your authenticity. You may not have a lot of money, but you certainly make up for it with creativity and downright wackiness. You are very resourceful. You're the type of person who is able to barter their way up from a penny to a million dollars.   You don't need money as long as you've got your wits. For people like you, money is practically irrelevant.

What Dollar Bill Are You?

XYZ Affair

I just spent the last half hour explaining the XYZ Affair to French high school students. This semester, I have stint at a local private high school or lycée, where I give lectures on a bi-weekly basis on the history and politics of the European Union. Somehow during today's lecture, as I was introducing the beginning of the EU, I went off a slight tangent and referenced the infamous "XYZ Affair", which, to my surprise, the students had no clue about. Ah, high school AP U.S. History class and AP tutoring helped me keep this Quasi-War with France fresh in my head.

Don't want to re-post a history lecture (it was a Quasi-War because while President Adams prepared for war with France, war was never actually declared, and this was due to the then-French Foreign Minister, Marquis de Talleyrand's, demands and demand for bribes from the U.S., as well as French seizure of American ships. It was called the XYZ Affair because Adams, not wanting to stoke the fire, replaced Talleyrand's intermediaries' real names with 'X', 'Y', and 'Z', when forwarding the negotiations documents, in a very short summary), but it makes me really wonder how different the education system is in France. The U.S. is "famous" for producing uneducated, culture-insensitive, overfed, and arrogant citizens, sending them abroad on resort vacations in their hotel bubbles, talking too loudly and dressing poorly. Yet, I really want to pause to wonder, is France, or any other country, really that much better?

Sure, I guess the average European dresses better than the average American. When I'm sitting in class with my sneakers, a hoodie, and jeans, my hair tied back into a ponytail, my nails cut short and unpolished, my French colleagues are sitting in class with their fashionable winter boots, a skirt or well-tailored pants, with smoky eye makeup, polished and filed nails, hair in moussed and hair-sprayed tresses and a nice, feminine shirt. Still, while that stereotype might be true to an extent (not all people dress to impress, but I guess most still dress nicer than I do when I'm in class at 8a.m.), it doesn't mean the French educational system as a whole produces smarter people.

The difference might arise in higher education. Up until high school, perhaps the French school system produces brighter students, I can't say for sure. I've tutored private-schooled American students and now I'm teaching at a French private school. From my experience, I must say I don't see a huge disparity in the quality of education. If anything, the private school students of New York receive more high quality education than the private school students of Strasbourg. That said, New York is the largest metropolis in America, so perhaps I'd be singing a different tune had I experienced private Parisian high schools.

Nonetheless, the French higher education is rather hierarchical. You have your basic government-funded public universities. Some are better than others (Sciences Po-Paris, Sorbonne Paris I, etc.) but all in all, the "Grandes écoles" of France are the cream of the crop. These private university-equivalents are much more expensive in terms of tuition and are much more selective. All the higher ranking French government officials are alumni to a Grande école, not a normal university. Perhaps that is why I find the quality of French graduate school at the university here in Strasbourg not up to par. In essence, I'm learning undergraduate-level material at a graduate level, which says something. Not to mention the poorer quality of lecturers and professors.

I suppose it's like going to a Tier 2 university in the U.S. While the best universities in the U.S. are extremely expensive private universities (Ivy League schools like Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Columbia, Cornell, Brown, Dartmouth, etc.), there are still some public universities that are also in the Tier 1 category, and these public universities are also the most expensive of the public universities. Unfortunately, what it all seems to boil down to is money. You receive a better education overall if you spend more money. That's not to say that universities like Harvard, though ranked as one of the world's top universities, produces independent thinkers, which is a whole different story. It's a shame that it always has to be about money, since equal opportunity for quality education should exist. Of course, if you really wanted to receive Harvard-standard education for free, you could get it. All you have to do is read books, at least at the undergraduate level. I feel like you can learn everything (or nearly everything) you need to learn from books. It's just that though you read everything, you won't get a degree, and in today's society, a degree says more than private book learning.

This has to be one of contemporary society's flaws. Everything depends on monetary achievements, a degree from an expensive school leads you to a "brighter", better-paid future. It's a shame since I feel like we're losing independent thinkers. Even Harvard-educated students aren't necessarily independent, critical thinkers. Many just regurgitate what their professors tell them and repeat exactly what they read in their books instead of digesting what they hear and read and retorting to, challenging, and analyzing what was just fed to them. Perhaps the era of modernity has destroyed some fine arts of times past or perhaps I'm just not looking hard enough.



Today's Random Quiz:

Your Surfing Habits are 50% Male, 50% Female

There's no way we can tell whether you're a man or woman. Of all the internet users, you are the most broad based in your habits. You use the internet for research and your career. But you also use the internet to keep in close touch with your loved ones.

Do You Use the Internet Like a Man or a Woman?

Zest for Life

I've pulled through my homesick phase, my confused phase, my regret phase, and now, I'm recovering my usual zest for life. There have been a few changes in my life in the past couple of months. First of all, I'm not going to stay in France for the second year since my program is not teaching my anything new. Basically I sit in class thinking "Tell me something I don't know", since all my classes just teach me everything I've already learned, except in a different language. For a while, I felt like coming here was the biggest mistake I've made so far in my life, which was hard for me to admit. My love for a language injured my academic journey, setting me back a couple of years.

In my search for another program, I've discovered several programs that interest me in Finland, Turkey, Estonia, S. Africa, Norway, Slovenia, UK, and due to my mother's incessant insistence, the U.S. Due to language limitations, my only options now are S. Africa, the UK, or the U.S. and I've already completed my applications over the past week. I will have effectively lost 2 years of my life in terms of academic progress if I choose to go to S. Africa or the U.S., though the UK program rewards a MA after one year. Still, I try not to think of it as a year wasted and thus, two years of my life lost. Instead, I think of it as a life experience. Living abroad for a year, perfecting my favorite language and improving another (German) while meeting new people and experiencing new things... not so much a waste of time if you take things from that perspective.

There are still a lot of things I want to do in my life, but I suppose I shouldn't be too hard on myself in terms of "losing" a year in France. I'm still only 22 and the world is my oyster. Besides, there is so much to be thankful for in life. As my favorite childhood book's author Lucy Maud Montgomery wrote: "There is so much in the world for us all if we only have the eyes to see it, and the heart to love it, and the hand to gather it to ourselves -- so much in men and women, so much in art and literature, so much everywhere in which to delight, and for which to be thankful." With this, and many other mantras I like to surround myself with, I think I can continue living happily, with a smile on my face and laughter in my heart, living with my mistakes and happily gaining experience, no matter how big a mistake might be.

Today's Random Quiz:

Your Valentine's Day Personality is Cynical

You really, truly hate Valentine's Day. It's your least favorite day of the year. You think Valentine's Day fake, tacky, over the top, and meant to make single people feel bad. You realize that Valentine's Day is a holiday that only benefits companies... not couples. You know that real love is not about teddy bears and roses, and you feel like the holiday cheapens emotions.

What's Your Valentine's Day Personality?

Last Day of Christmas

So today's officially the twelfth and last day of Christmas. Tomorrow, the Christmas markets will be closing until the next Christmas season here in Strasbourg and all the decorations and bright lights will be taken down. Kind of sad to think about. Icing on the cake, my final exams start today. Oh killjoy!

Today's Random Quiz:

You Are a Cute Christmas Card

You love the holidays, and it's hard for you to feel any sort of seasonal burnout. You're the person who thinks the holidays don't start soon enough. You have your Christmas cards picked out months in advance. The holidays make you feel happy and content. You're tickled by every gift you receive and every old friend you reconnect with. You are a thoughtful gift giver, and you take the time to make each object you give unique and special. You like to see someone's eyes light up when they open your present.

What Kind of Christmas Card Are You?

Agog for the Holidays

Christmas in Strasbourg is truly beautiful. I loved biking to and from classes and now that classes are over, I'm happy to roam the streets to go grocery shopping, walking to and from work, or Christmas shopping for last-minute presents. All the decorations just make me agog for the holidays; I mean, if scenes like these:















... don't put you in a holiday mood, I don't know what will! Compared to relatively low-scale decorating in most American cities, Strasbourg is really serious about Christmas! Makes sense though, considering it's self-proclaimed title of the world's "Christmas Capital".


Today's Random Quiz:

You Are A Reindeer

You are a solid, dependable person. You are more likely to act than talk. You have a lot of endurance and grit. You can work well into the night if you need to. You are cooperative and competent. You like being part of a team, especially if everyone is pulling their weight. You are energetic and hyper. You don't like to stay still for to long, and you're always ready to go somewhere new!

Are You An Elf or a Reindeer?

Wisconsin

I'm finally free!!! I handed in my last paper of the year and now it's all... well, it's not all fun and games now, but it's just a different kind of stress. Now that papers and lecture preparations are over with, I still have to study for my final exams in January and I'll be kept pretty busy with giving tours in the city. It's the last "holiday rush" = "rush of tourists" of this year so thus the tightly knit schedule. I'm only supposed to work about 20 hours a week so since Christmas is on Friday, they're making sure I'm pretty much occupied Monday through Thursday before the end of the Christmas season. It's still not bad since it's only 5 hours a day I'll have to work but still, I have a lot of unfinished Christmas errands to run and a ton of baking/cooking left to do before the holidays. Oh well, I guess the days leading up to Christmas will be just as, if not more, strapped for time.

Oh and the title of this post is "Wisconsin" because I opened my mailbox to actually read all of my incoming mail today, since I'd been putting that off during my insane study/work/paper-writing rampage these past few weeks, and I found this video from my old university, trying to get me to donate money. I really wish I could if I weren't on a budget myself... I do miss Wisconsin and all the good times I spent there. It's a place with a lot of firsts and a lot of good memories, so I decided to post it online. Maybe some of you who've never seen pictures of my university before can take a look/little tour now =)

U-rah-rah! Wisconsin! from UW Foundation on Vimeo.

Today's Random Quiz:

You Love the Holidays More than Anyone

The holidays are a special time for you, and you try to keep the holiday spirit going all year long. You believe that this season is all about giving, and you love the chance to practice generosity. Whether you're making someone smile with the perfect gift or feeding everyone cookies, the holidays always elevate your mood. Just putting on your favorite holiday song always warms your heart. Even if it's July!

How Much Do You Love the Holidays?