Revering Mother

Someone sent me this e-mail, relevant to Mother's Day, I suppose. 

When you were 8 years old, your mom handed you an ice cream. You thanked her by yelling at her and telling her its the wrong kind.
When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons. You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old she drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.
When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming. You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.
When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not writing a single letter.
When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16, she taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17, she was expecting an important call. You thanked her by being on the phone all night.
When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.
When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked her by saying good-bye
outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.
When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply she loved you. You thanked her by
moving halfway across the country.
When you were 50, she fell and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.
And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.
If you love your MOM, repost this bulletin saying "i cried" if you don't... then u obviously don't care if your mom dies or you don't care if she is already dead...
 

I cried. Unfortunately, I can't say that much of the above things applied to me. My mother rarely bought me ice cream since she thought it was bad for my teeth so when she did, I was happy with whatever flavor she gave me. I actually thank her for that since it probably helped me grow into a more healthy lifestyle... though I do indulge in sweets from time to time. 

When I was 5, I started piano lessons and I did actually practice quite often since I wanted to become a pianist after about 10 years (when I was 15-17 years old I wanted to be a pianist/artist). 

When I was 8, I usually got a ride with my friends' parents, walked, or took a bus/public transportation to go to soccer/track & field/etc. practice or games and I thank my mother for teaching me to be independent at such an early age. My mother never took my to the movies, but in a way, she preserved my innocence and naïveté until I left the house.

When I was 12, after outgrowing cartoons, my mother didn't approve of many shows, so I simply stopped watching TV. TV is pretty useless anyway, except for comedies, so I'm glad she didn't let my mind melt with stupid soap operas and dramas. My mother usually cut my hair for me and once I was older, I learned how to cut my own hair, so that was nice. I've never been to a hair salon and I think it's good that I can cut my own hair without wasting money on overpriced haircuts. 

When I was 13, she paid for summer camp... and I do admit, rather guiltily, that I never sent her a single letter during the entire month. 

When I was 14, I started locking my room since I sometimes felt smothered by my mother. Perhaps my relationship with her could be better had I tried to talk to her while my personality and goals were evolving in a direction opposite hers?  

When I was 16, she taught me how to drive her car... and I do admit, I did take it every chance I could.

When I was 17, I was already out of the house and moved 1609km away from my mother. I moved out of my mother's house when I was 16, since I wanted to pursue my career in the arts. My mother taught me an invaluable lesson early on in life: Never depend on anyone else except for yourself. 

When I was 18, I dropped my courses and backpacked alone in Europe. I asked my mother's permission and she, surprisingly, approved (she did change her mind once I was already in Paris), but nonetheless, she approved! This trip opened my eyes and life in ways unimagined so I owe my mother a big "thank you" for allowing me to go (though I'd probably have gone without my mother's blessing, her initial approval meant I could go without feeling constantly guilty about going without her permission). 

When I was 19, I picked up where I left off at the university, 1609km away from home... I do feel bad that while I was studying, I almost never called my mother... I think I called her maybe once every month or every two months... 

I called my mother today. We had a 3-hour conversation about life, love, and everything in between. I feel guilty in some ways. My mother actually really wants me to get married and give her at least one grandchild. "I won't be around forever, Kerstin. I want to know there will be someone who loves you after I die and I want to meet that someone before I die. That will make me happy." I tried explaining to her my thoughts on love, on marriage, on children... I have friends and my siblings to love me after she dies, why would I need a husband? At that, she just nervously laughed and said she hoped I would change my mind in the future... in the near future. She wants me to be married before I'm 30, but that's SO UNFAIR! My mother got married after she was 30! Double standards, much? 

Sorry, mother, if you ever read my blog (which I doubt you ever will)... but I'm really sorry. While I can make some sacrifices, I can't do something I don't believe in. Marriage, to me, is an outdated institution no longer relevant to modern society. Children are a burden on Mother Earth and I refuse to procreate and fill the already overpopulated earth with yet another parasitic being using energy and releasing carbon into the world. While you may think I'll change my mind in the future, I highly doubt it. My decision about marriage and children was made when I was 12. I'm 22 now... it's been 10 years and my feelings about these subjects have only become more concrete and embedded in stone over the years. The older I get, the more sure I am that I will never wed and have children. I love the way I live now, doing whatever I want, being able to pick up a bag and leaving when I want, without something weighing me down and chaining me to one place. I value freedom more than a partnership and procreation and this preference will not change. 

Still, I hope my mother will understand, that no matter how much our views on life, on love, and on any other subject differ, I still love her. It really breaks my heart that she may never see grandchildren before she dies and it makes me sad that she can't comprehend the fact that I'm happy with the way things are now... that money doesn't make me happy and no man will make me happy. I want her to know that for me, my personal happiness depends not on others, but on myself and on my state of mind. I love my mother still, and without her, I would never be the me I am today. Even the points we disagree on, perhaps, are due to the fact that my spiteful nature made me evolve in an opposite direction. We agree on very few, if any subjects... but we still love each other, in our own, peculiar, special ways.

Today's Random Picture: